Well here we are again.
It's funny how these Friday blog posts book-end my week. Here I sit now - here I sat last week. Same time, same space, and then everything in between.
Last week just before I sat down to write, at the end of my gym session, my trainer told me she felt like my spark had gone out. I knew it too. Last week I felt like the world was sitting on my shoulders, like my skin was too thin to keep out the hurt, and like my body was tender and I was coming down with something.
Today, seven days after that, my gym trainer told me how strong I was getting and how much of a difference she had noticed in me in one week. Today I'm sitting here feeling calm and even, and even a bit excited, about what though I'm not exactly sure.
It's been a crazy week and I think that what got me through it to a place where I'm finishing it in a stronger state than when I started, is looking on the bright side. Very consciously choosing to see the good. Bringing myself back to the positive each time something threatened to knock me over. I know it sounds cliched, but it worked.
So although I feel like the whole grateful thing has been overused and is often a bit icky, for want of a better word, I've decided to make a list of all that I've been grateful for over my past week.
I'm grateful for wide open spaces, for a wet summer that has kept our farm looking lush, and for those apples, no matter how spotty, that have survived this difficult season and are growing and haven't yet been eaten by the birds.
I'm grateful for shady trees that give us cozy places to hang out and rest.
I'm grateful for family.
I'm grateful for the little vases of flowers I've been finding around the house.
I'm grateful that we've got plenty of water this year to irrigate.
I'm grateful that all the veggies we've been planting look healthy and strong.
I'm grateful for our families for their support during this worrying time.
I'm grateful for knitting for keeping my hands busy while my heart was fluttering and my mind was panicking.
I'm grateful for the shower, because there is no better place to lose it.
I'm grateful to my mum for lending me her library book Dept. of Speculation by Jenny Offill which was such a perfect book to read next to a hospital bed.
I'm grateful for podcasts and my iPhone's battery that got me through a VERY long night of one-hourly observation checks and four-hourly meds.
And I'm unbelievably, ridiculously grateful that our Jarrah has recovered so well and that we have been allowed to consider it as something that happened, rather than something that happens.
I'm grateful to wonderful Sarah who left a comment on my last post advising me to spray icy cold water on my scarlet runner beans each evening because they need cold nights to set fruit. THANK YOU Sarah!! It worked. I've lost count of all the baby beans currently climbing the tee-pee. I'm so happy and relieved. I'm also grateful to you Peter Cundall for advising Sarah on the radio. And you, farmer Bren, I know you knew it.
I'm grateful for the train to Melbourne.
I'm grateful for the company of our dog and our cat.
I'm grateful for twilight, my favourite time of the day to wander and gather and water and weed.
I'm grateful for those first blackberries of the season that are hard and sour and the only ones I like to eat.
I'm grateful for sunshine and warmth.
I'm grateful for the physical and emotional closeness I share with my parents.
I'm grateful for health and strength.
I'm grateful for a family that values hand made.
I'm grateful that I cut and sewed a dress from an old bed sheet and could throw it in the rubbish when it failed, with no guilt at all.
I'm grateful for girls and their craft projects covering the floor of my studio.
I'm grateful for overalls and work boots.
I'm grateful for barbecues with new friends.
I'm wishing you a wonderful weekend and if you'd like to tell me - I'd love to read your grateful list too.